And all I really want to do is follow His will.

All my life, I've been trying to please the wrong person. Everytime I do something, it's always to please that ONE person. I've tried so hard to make that person proud, but I fail all the time. There are times when I've made that person proud, but if i fail again, that achievement meant nothing. Just to make that one person proud, I've tried to be someone else. Someone who that person really really was proud of. Well, that "someone" had many achievements and barely had any failures, so that "person" was always proud. Or maybe that "someone" had many failures, but that "person" never really noticed.

I thought that maybe if I was like that "someone", that "person" would be proud of me.
Still. I failed again. I was always compared.

Then I had thoughts. I thought of maybe it was better if I wasn't born. Since that "person" would never accept me. I would always get mad at that "someone". I would always cry knowing that I can never be that "someone".

In everything I did, I wanted to make that "person" proud.

Then, thats when my eyes opened to the God's word telling me that I should always follow His will. I realized, my mind was always set on the wrong thing. My heart was in the wrong place. My heart and mind should always be focused on God and His will in my life, not my own will, not that "person's" will, but His will.

God knows me better than I know myself. God knows us better than ourselves and He knows whats best for us. Yet, we tend to still have our will because we think that our will is better.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together
for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. -Romans 8:28

God works in many ways. And in all His ways, they are for good.

For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans
for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
-Jeremiah 29:11

God knows our futures. And our futures are His plans. And His plans are NOT for evil.

Until now, I still have this problem. I'm still put down. That "person" still wanting me to follow that "someone's" footsteps. Wanting me to do their own will.

But now, my mind is set to doing only God's will in my life. It still hurts, but knowing God is there to give me His words of comfort, it doesn't hurt as much as it did before. I found my refuge in my God, my Savior. His love and grace has saved me.

and I praise God and Him alone.

And all i really want to do is follow His will.

All for Him,
Jeremae